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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has long been the comfort zone for daily publications, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to discover that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room rather too directly, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget during his peak popularity at Manchester City, the controversial forward entered a community college for toilet purposes during 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched troubled England locker room immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Just a single choice remained. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are long gone, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Quiet and watchful” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|